Dear Past Me: Stop Texting Him Back
Dear Past Me,
I love you. Truly. You did your best with the tools you had—intuition, butterflies, optimism, and that one friend who gave terrible advice but had great hair. And honestly? Those tools took us pretty far.
But we need to talk about the texting, especially texting him.
Because I recall how it happened.
He’d send “hey” at 11:47 PM.
No punctuation.
No context.
Not even a question mark.
And your whole heart would light up as if someone turned on a lamp.
Baby…
That wasn’t romance.
That was low battery mode.
You Weren’t Texting Him — You Were Texting the Renovation Plan
You weren’t responding to the man who was there.
You were replying to:
The potential version
The improved version
The fully emotionally available man who communicates clearly, schedules dates in advance, apologizes properly, and keeps his promises.
The version of him you created, like you were on HGTV: Emotional Edition.
You had blueprints.
A mood board.
Fixtures picked out.
The open-concept floor plan of his healed emotional landscape.
Meanwhile, the real man was still… in demolition.
Not ready for showing.
Permit not approved.
Hard hat required.
You can't move into a house that’s still under construction, sweetheart.
You Took Breadcrumbs and Baked a Whole Wedding Cake
He sent: "Miss you.”
And you translated that into: "I have spent time in deep reflection and realized you are my heart's home.”
Ma'am, he was just bored while waiting in line at Jersey Mike's.
Your Friends Weren’t Being Harsh — They Were Acting as Security Guards
Remember when your best friend said:
If he wanted to, he would.
And you got offended?
Sis, she wasn’t judging you.
She was trying to escort that clown out of your personal emotional data center.
She recognized the red flags before you turned them into decorative throw pillows.
You Weren’t Weak — You Were Hopeful
Hope isn't a flaw.
Hope is beautiful.
But hope needs to be supported by behavior.
By:
Effort
Follow-through
Consistency
And replies that do not come three business days later
We no longer accept love that comes in delayed installments.
And in Case You’re Wondering… You Grew
You have learned to:
Pause before responding.
Match effort, not imagination.
Choose peace over adrenaline
Recognize when “chemistry” was merely anxiety in disguise.
Your future self — me — is genuinely proud of you.
And she responds more slowly now.
Intentionally.
Because she waits to see echo, effort, and energy.
With love — and a raised eyebrow of shared experience,
Your Present-Day Self
P.S. He was not the lesson.
You were — and see how you’re learning to love yourself more.
💜
Next Week:
Holiday Dating Survival Guide (Alphabet Theory Edition)
Because nothing brings out the wrong letters like holiday nostalgia.
How to Break the Letter Loop (Gently, with Snacks)
So, you’ve noticed you keep dating the same type of person—same energy, same storyline, same last initial—and now you’re wondering: Okay, great… how do I break the cycle? Do I move to the mountains? Block everyone named Michael or Noah? Become emotionally unavailable but with better skincare?
Don’t panic. You don’t need a mountain, a retreat, or a vow of silence. You need a reset—one slight, brave shift at a time.
Step 1: Identify Your Pattern (a.k.a. Know Your Script)
Before you change the ending, you need to admit you’ve been rereading the same chapter.
Ask yourself:
What kind of person do I keep choosing?
What’s the emotional rhythm of my relationships? (Fast start, slow fade? Bare minimum but great eyebrows?)
Do all my breakups feel like déjà vu?
When you can identify your loop, you can break it.
Step 2: Date the Reality, Not the Potential
If Blog Post 8 called you out gently, consider this your hug.
Stop dating people for who they could be after emotional renovations. Date them for who they are today—without a makeover, a TED Talk, or future therapy.
Here’s the rule: If you have to write a sequel to justify staying mentally, it’s not love—it’s a script.
Step 3: Try a Different Letter (Yes, Really)
If you keep dating from the M–N “Charming Whirlwind” group (all passion, no planning), maybe it’s time to try... a different letter.
A–E (Builders): They show up early and bring snacks.
F–L (Steady Hearts): Calm, consistent, shockingly emotionally available.
O–T (Deep Divers): Feelings. Journals. Eye contact.
U–Z (Wild Cards): They own a passport, feelings optional.
If you always order emotional chaos, try something with fiber instead.
Step 4: Redefine ‘Spark’
Chemistry shouldn’t feel like anxiety in disguise.
Ask yourself:
Do I feel calm around this person?
Do I trust them?
Or do I feel like I’m in a group chat with my heart, my gut, and a fire alarm?
Spark should feel like interest—not survival mode.
Step 5: Set a No-Rewrite Rule
If someone shows you their emotional operating system—believe it.
No rewriting red flags into poetry.
No turning bare minimum effort into destiny.
Your new rule: Date the person in front of you, not the one in your imagination wearing their potential.
Mini Reflection (Screenshot This):
What letter group do I keep choosing?
What do I love about it? What hurts about it?
If love showed up healthy, would I even recognize it?
What’s one small habit I can change at the beginning of a connection?
A Soft Reminder (From Someone Who Gets It)
You’re not behind. You’re not broken. You’re just learning to stop auditioning for heartbreak and beginning to choose peace.
The wrong letter isn’t a failure—it’s a teacher.
Learn the lesson. Take the diploma. Move on.
Next Week on the Blog…
We’re doing something fun and slightly chaotic:
“Love Letters I Should Have Sent (But Never Did)”
Real letters. Real feelings. No postage required.
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Are You in Love — or Just Addicted to Potential?
I once dated a man I was completely convinced would be amazing someday.
Not right now.
Not actually.
But in the imagined future version of him I created in my mind, like a home renovation project I watch on HGTV.
That, my friend, is not love. That’s an addiction to potential — and it should come with a warning label and perhaps a support group.
And yes… it often shows up in the same letter group.
Michael M., who almost had his life together.
Nathan N., who could benefit from therapy.
And Matthew M., who said, “I’m working on myself” and then took a nap.
What Does “Addicted to Potential” Mean?
It’s when you don’t fall in love with the person in front of you—you fall in love with who they could be if they healed, matured, communicated, planned, apologized, and occasionally responded to a text.
It’s not love.
It’s emotional Pinterest. You don’t truly have the person; you just have a vision board of them.
Signs You’re in Love With Potential (Not the Person)
✔ You say things like, “He’s not there yet… but he could be."
✔ You’re more in love with their growth journey than their actual behavior.
✔ Every red flag becomes a future redemption arc in your mind.
✔ Your therapist hears his name and just… sighs.
✔ You keep defending them with sentences that start with, “But if he just—”
Why We Do This (Without Going Too Deep or Getting Too Therapeutic)
· Because hope is powerful.
· Because your heart tends to be optimistic and your brain enjoys character development.
· Because it’s easier to believe in someone’s potential than to accept they might never reach it.
And let’s be honest — healing someone is way more romantic in movies than in real life.
Plus, if you’ve dated from the same letter loop (hi, M–N group), your nervous system probably thinks dramatic progress and emotional chaos is love.
The Hard Truth (Said Softly)
You can't date someone’s potential.
You can only date their reality.
And sometimes their reality is:
Great heart, poor follow-through.
Great ideas, no follow-through.
Emotionally deep... only after midnight and three whiskeys.
Potential is beautiful, but you shouldn’t have to build the person before entering the relationship.
So… What Now?
Don’t worry — this isn’t the part where I tell you to move to the mountains and stop texting. We'll save solutions for next week.
✨ Next Week on the Blog:
“How to Break the Letter Loop (Gently, with Snacks)”
A step-by-step guide to:
Choosing reality over potential
Dating in a new letter group
And loving yourself enough to stop editing other people like drafts.
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Subscribe to Louise’s Love Letter — tiny relationship truths, no judgment, all heart (and sarcasm).
Why I Keep Dating the Same Letter (and Pretending I’m Surprised)
Have you ever looked back at your dating history and thought, “Why do all my exes feel like sequels to the same badly written movie?” Same. If my love life had credits, it would say: Starring Jason M., Marcus N., and Noah M. — different men, same storyline.
Jason M. wrote poetry but didn't respond to texts for three business days. Marcus N. made you feel like the main character… until he vanished like a coupon code. And Noah M.? He said he wasn’t like the others because he “meditated now.” (He did. Once.)
Different men
Same last-name initial group.
Same story
Same emotional roller coaster.
Same Ending.
It's like being stuck in a 'Letter Loop'.
Wait—what’s a “Letter Loop”?
In The Alphabet Theory, each person’s last-name initial falls into a personality group.
M–N letters are known as the Charming Whirlwinds — passionate, exciting, allergic to Google Calendar invites.
So when I say “Letter Loop,” I don’t just mean dating guys whose last names start with M or N. I mean, dating the same emotional pattern, just in different shoes.
It’s not about the name. It’s about the energy.
The vibe.
The emotional playlist on repeat.
The Letter Loop (Now That We Know What It Is)
So why do we keep dating the same “letter” — or the same type — over and over again?
Let’s skip the therapy textbook and keep it simple:
1. Familiar feels safe… even when it’s a mess.
Someone who texts you good morning and asks about your day? Cute.
But your nervous system whispers, “Hmm. Suspicious.”
Someone who answers three days later with “sorry, been busy”?
“Ah. Home.”
2. We confuse fireworks with feelings.
Chemistry is loud — sparks, goosebumps, chaos.
Compatibility is quiet — consistency, brings snacks, follow-through.
Sadly, snacks have never written a love song.
3. You’re not addicted to a person — you’re addicted to a plot.
You don’t keep falling for Mark M. because of the letter M.
You’re addicted to the storyline: The Almost. The Fixer-Upper. The Emotional Gym Membership (shows up twice, then disappears forever).
Signs You Might Be in a Letter Loop
✔ You already know how this relationship ends — and you're still on chapter two.
✔ Your friends greet new boyfriends with, “So… what’s his last name initial?”
✔ Your journal could be copied and pasted with different names.
✔ You feel butterflies and heartburn at the same time.
✔ You find yourself saying, “No, trust me — this one is different.”
Here’s the good news
You’re not broken. You’re hopeful.
We don’t repeat letters out of foolishness. We do it because we’re trying to write a better ending than last time.
And I promise — you can.
But only if we stop rewriting the same script, and stop hiring the same letter for the same role.
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7 First-Date Green Flags You Shouldn’t Ignore
7 First-Date Green Flags | Dating Advice You Need
Red flags tend to get a lot of attention, but let’s switch it up: what about the green flags? Those small, meaningful moments on a first date that quietly say, ‘Hey, this could really be something special.’
Why We Focus Too Much on Red Flags
Fear alerts us to danger, but it also blinds us to opportunities. When we focus on red flags, we often miss the subtle (but important) green flags.
7 Green Flags
· They show up on time (respect).
· They ask you real questions (interest).
· They listen without interrupting (attention).
· They laugh at your jokes (connection).
· They put their phone away (presence).
· They respect boundaries (maturity).
· You leave feeling lighter, not drained (chemistry + compatibility).
Green flags might not be as eye-catching as red ones, but they serve as breadcrumbs leading you to lasting love. Watch for them, and you’ll avoid years of detours.
👉 Ready to test your radar? Take the [Deal-Breaker Decoder Quiz] and find out your score.
Alphabet Dating: Do Initials Really Predict Love?
Alphabet Dating Theory | Do Initials Predict Love?
What if the key to your love life was right in front of you… in the alphabet? Sounds crazy, right? But time and time again, people discover strange patterns when they match up their partners’ initials.
The Science of Patterns in Love
Humans are pattern-seeking beings. We notice coincidences, but sometimes they aren’t actually coincidences. Think about it: you’ve probably dated multiple people who fit a certain mold. The Alphabet Theory takes that idea and turns it into a framework that’s part insight, part comedy, and part uncanny truth. It's a theory that resonates with our shared experiences in love and relationships.
How Alphabet Theory Works
So, what's your last name’s initial? A–E? You’re a Grounded Builder. F–L? A Steady Heart. M–N? A Charming Whirlwind. O–T? A Deep Diver. U–Z? A Wild Card. Once you recognize these patterns, it’s impossible to unsee them. It's like having a secret decoder for your love life. Why not give it a try and see what you discover?
Stories That Prove It’s Not Just a Coincidence
Take my story: my first crush was an ‘R,’ and my husband is an ‘L.’ The differences in compatibility were striking. And once I started asking friends, coworkers, and even strangers, the stories flooded in — uncanny similarities, such as shared hobbies, hilarious mishaps like always ordering the same dish at a restaurant, and a few heartbreaks due to fundamental differences.
👉 Curious about what your letter reveals about you? Take the [Which Letter Group Is Your Match? Quiz] or read more in *Stop Dating the Wrong Letters.*
Why Compatibility Matters More Than Chemistry
Compatibility vs. Chemistry in Love | Why It Matters
We’ve all been there — swept off our feet by someone who makes our heart race faster than our Amazon delivery guy. That spark (a.k.a. chemistry) is thrilling — but spoiler alert: it’s not enough to keep the lights on. The real love glue? Compatibility.
The Spark vs. The Foundation
Chemistry is like a firework — dazzling, loud, and gone in sixty seconds. Compatibility is the brick house that doesn’t burn down when life throws sparks at it.
Yes, chemistry makes those first few dates feel like rom-com montages, but compatibility is where the real magic happens. Shared values, aligned goals, similar lifestyles — these are what keep the connection alive long after the butterflies have flown off to someone else’s garden. Without that alignment, the brightest flame fizzles out faster than your phone battery at 2%.
Signs You’re Confusing Chemistry for Compatibility
· You excuse bad behavior because “the spark is so strong.”
· You feel like you’re on a roller coaster, not in a partnership.
· You keep hoping they’ll change once the passion settles down. Spoiler: they won’t.
If this sounds familiar, you might be high on chemistry but starving for compatibility.
Why Compatibility Is the Long Game
Compatible partners might not sweep you off your feet on day one. But they’ll:
· Hold your hand when you’re sick.
· Laugh at your terrible jokes.
· Remember to pay the Wi-Fi bill (on time, bless them).
That’s not just romance — that’s reliability. And in the long run, reliability is sexy.
Chemistry brings you to the dance floor. Compatibility decides if you’ll survive the slow songs — and maybe even learn a few new moves together.
Ready to Test Your Match?
So yes, chemistry is fun. But compatibility is forever. Ready to see if you’re dating the right letter — or just stuck on the wrong spark?
👉 Take the Alphabet Theory Quiz or grab your copy of *Stop Dating the Wrong Letters*. Your future self (and your Wi-Fi bill) will thank you.
5 Red Flags That Aren’t as Cute as You Think
We’ve all been there. Someone does something a little odd, and instead of trusting our gut, we say, “Oh, that’s just their quirk.” Spoiler alert: quirks don’t usually ghost you, drain your bank account, or eat the last slice of pizza without asking.
Here are five “quirky” behaviors that are actually 🚩 red flags in disguise:
They say they’re “bad at texting,” which actually means they’re not that eager to stay in touch. Phones are a two-way street.
They “don’t believe in labels,” that’s code for: they want the relationship perks without the commitment paperwork.
They’re always “too busy." If they’re too busy to make time for you now, trust me, it won’t magically get better later.
They call their ex “crazy”
Unless their ex was auditioning for a Lifetime thriller, this is a sign they’re dodging their accountability.They only make plans at the last minute. Spontaneity is fun, but chronic last-minute invites? That’s someone keeping you as Plan B.
Quick Takeaway
If you catch yourself saying, “It’s kinda cute,” when it’s a 🚩, it’s probably time to rethink things. Chemistry is fun, but consistency is sexier.
👉 Have you overlooked a “quirk” that later turned into a full-blown disaster? Share your story in the comments—I promise you’re not the only one.
The WELL Method: How to Vet a Partner Without Losing Your Sanity
Dating nowadays is similar to shopping online: many options, lots of filters... and half of what appears isn't what you ordered. (Looking at you, “6-foot athletic type” who turns out to be 5’7” with a gym membership he used once.)
That’s why I created the WELL Method—my go-to checklist for figuring out if someone is worth your time before you end up emotionally bankrupt.
What Is the WELL Method?
The WELL Method stands for Worthy, Energy, Lifestyle Fit, and Legacy Alignment. Think of it as a dating compass:
Worthy – Do they recognize your value, and more importantly, do you? Do you feel seen or just watched?
Energy – How do you feel when you’re around them? Drained, anxious, lit up, safe? Energy doesn’t lie.
Lifestyle – Are your worlds even remotely compatible? You can’t merge with someone who wants kids, while you’re planning a solo “Eat, Pray, Love” reboot.
Legacy – Do you share similar visions for the future? Are you trying to build a future, find a good time, or just pass the time?
Why It Works
Because the WELL Method forces you to slow down.
Instead of swiping right based on cheekbones or charisma, you’re asking: Do they fit my life?
Instead of ignoring red flags (you know, the ones we all claim we “didn’t see”), you’re spotting them early.
Instead of hoping chemistry will magically turn into commitment, you’re checking if they can walk the talk.
A Personal Example
The Bunny Slipper Breakup
Once upon a time, I dated a man I probably should’ve side-stepped. He was five years older, 6’5” to my 5’3”, and so tall I had to stand on a chair just to kiss him. At first, it felt romantic — he pursued me like I was the crown jewel of his kingdom. He’d pick me up from home and drive me to school — a grand total of three blocks. Then he’d come back on his lunch break, whisk me off to eat, and return me safely home like some overzealous chauffeur.
At first, I thought: Wow, chivalry is not dead.
But it turns out what I mistook for kindness was actually obsession disguised as attention.
The reality check hit one evening when he stopped by, insisted I take a ride with him, and then got mad when I tried to talk about how closely he was watching my every move. His fix? Kick me out of the car.
Twenty city blocks away from home. After dark. Wearing fluffy bunny slippers.
Let me share something — nothing dissolves a romantic daydream faster than navigating cracked sidewalks and uncertain street corners while you're dressed for a comfy pajama party. That was quite a long, humbling, yet eye-opening walk.
Lesson Learned
If someone’s love feels like a security detail, it’s not romance — it’s control. Don’t just listen to the sweet words. Watch how they show up in every part of your life. Attention that smothers isn’t love. It’s a red flag with a chauffeur’s license.
Your Turn
So, here’s your challenge: take the next person you’re interested in—or even your current partner—and run them through the WELL filter. Do they measure up? Or are they just “well… maybe not”?
👉 Share your WELL wins or disasters in the comments. Or, if you’d rather spill your tea privately, join the 2-OYS mailing list. You’ll also get the free ABT Compatibility Chart—because dating with a cheat sheet is way more fun.
Stop Dating the Wrong Letters: How ABT Decodes Love & Laughs
We’ve all said it: “I must have a type.”
Tall. Funny. Plays guitar. Or maybe he's just... emotionally unavailable but with great hair. (Don’t worry, I’ve been there, too.)
But what if your “type” isn’t about looks, hobbies, or the size of their shoe collection? What if your type is hiding in plain sight—in their last name letter?
Welcome to the AlphaBet Theory (ABT), where love, laughter, and the alphabet come together.
My “Letter” Problem
I used to think I had a “type.” Turns out, I had a letter.
I kept falling for the “R” boys—Barry R., Larry R. (Yes, brothers. Don’t judge me—I was young, and the heart makes questionable decisions). Let’s say they weren’t exactly cosmic soulmates. Looking back, I should have seen the pattern stamped right there in their names.
That was when I started connecting the dots—or rather, the letters. And the AlphaBet Theory was born.
The 5 Subgroups of ABT
Here’s the main idea: your last name sorts you into one of five compatibility groups.
A–E: The Grounded Builders – idealistic, loyal, and practical.
F–L: The Steady Hearts - warm, nurturing, and reliable.
M–N: The Charming Whirlwinds – charismatic, spontaneous, and fun.
O–T: The Deep Divers – introspective, intense, and stubborn.
U–Z: The Wild Cards — bold, go with the flow, and unpredictable.
Some groups spark instant chemistry (hello, fireworks)—others... not so much (more like a fire hazard).
But the best part? Once you understand your group, you can spot red flags, green lights, and “proceed with caution” signs before you get ghosted, breadcrumbed, or stuck in another relationship that feels like a Netflix drama without the binge-watch payoff.
Why You’ll Love This Journey
In my book, Stop Dating the Wrong Letters, you’ll:
Understand what your subgroup uncovers about your love style.
Learn my WELL Method (a smart way to vet dates without losing your mind).
Spot the red and green flags in dating before you waste your best mascara.
Get practical tools for building genuine relationships—with humor, wisdom, and a touch of sass.
Your Turn: What’s Your “Letter”?
Now it’s your turn—who’s your letter? Have you kept falling for the same initials over and over? (It’s okay. We’ve all had our “Toxic T” or “No-Go N.”)
👉 Share your story in the comments below or join the 2-OYS mailing list to share privately. When you do, you’ll receive a free Compatibility Chart—a quick, handy cheat sheet for identifying your best (and worst) matches at a glance.
Because love is hard enough, decoding it shouldn’t be.