The Dating Hangover: When Nothing Went Wrong… and You Still Don’t Want Another Date
If you’ve ever gone on a perfectly “fine” date and immediately started planning your escape from a second date, this post is for you.
Have you ever been on a date where:
Nothing went wrong.
No red flags were raised.
No awkward silences occurred.
Everyone acted like a reasonable adult.
…and yet you woke up the next morning thinking,
“Well, I don’t ever need to do that again.”
Congratulations.
You’ve just had a dating hangover.
No drama.
No regret.
Just oddly uninterested and relieved that it was over.
What a Dating Hangover Actually Is
A dating hangover isn’t heartbreak.
It’s not disappointment.
It’s not even dislike.
It’s that quiet inner voice saying:
“That was fine… but I’m not excited, curious, or interested in repeating it.”
And then another voice immediately jumps in and says:
“But he was nice!”
“But nothing was wrong!”
“But maybe this is what healthy feels like?”
Cue confusion.
Why We Don’t Trust The Hangover
Here’s where it gets tricky.
When we’re used to:
intensity
emotional highs and lows
chaos dressed up as chemistry
Our nervous system gets confused when things feel calm.
So when a date feels:
polite
stable
emotionally neutral
We start wondering whether we’re the problem.
Spoiler alert: You’re probably not.
Green Flags Are Quiet… but Not All Quiet Is Green
Let’s clear something up.
Yes — green flags are often calm.
They don’t come with fireworks, stomach flips, or dramatic playlists.
But here’s the part we don’t talk about enough:
Not every calm connection is a good one.
Some dates feel calm because they’re healthy.
Others feel calm because there’s no spark, no curiosity, and no emotional pull.
Your job isn’t to force excitement.
It’s to notice the difference.
Quick Gut Check: Calm or Flat?
Ask yourself:
Did I feel relaxed and engaged?
Or was I politely participating?
Did I want to know more about them — or did I want the date to end well?
Healthy calm feels:
grounding
steady
quietly appealing
Flat feels:
draining
effortful
like you were “being nice” the whole time
Your body knows which one it was, even if your brain wants a second opinion.
“Nothing Went Wrong” Is Not a Dating Requirement
This part is important.
You don’t need:
a red flag
a bad story
a clear reason
a dramatic exit
to decide not to continue.
“Nothing went wrong” is not a binding contract.
Sometimes the most emotionally mature conclusion is simply, “This doesn’t feel aligned — and that’s enough.”
Let’s Be Honest (With Love)
If you’re saying things like:
“They’re great on paper…”
“I should like them…”
“Maybe attraction grows?”
…while secretly hoping they don’t text again?
That’s not confusion.
That’s clarity tapping you on the shoulder - gently.
Tiny Truth to Take With You
You don’t owe chemistry.
You don’t owe enthusiasm.
You don’t owe another date just because someone was nice.
Your nervous system is not dramatic.
It’s informative.
Closing Thought
Dating hangovers aren’t failures.
Their feedback.
Sometimes they mean, “This was safe — give it time.”
And sometimes they mean: “This was fine — and fine isn’t what I want anymore.”
Both are valid.
Trust what you feel, even when it doesn’t come with fireworks.
Holiday Boundaries 101: How to Stay Sane, Classy, and Unbothered All Year Long
There’s something about the end of the year that invites reflection.
Not the dramatic kind. The quiet, “hmm… I don’t want to do that again” kind.
It’s the moment when we realize we’re not interested in carrying old patterns into a new calendar year — especially the ones that left us tired, confused, or over-explaining ourselves to people who weren’t really listening.
This isn’t about becoming cold.
It’s about becoming clear.
Welcome to Holiday Boundaries 101 — a gentle guide to staying sane, classy, and unbothered not just until January 1st, but all year long.
First, Let’s Redefine Boundaries (Because They’ve Been Misunderstood)
Boundaries are not ultimatums.
They’re not punishments.
And they’re definitely not you, “asking for too much.”
Boundaries are simply how you choose to participate.
They sound like:
“This works for me.”
“That doesn’t.”
“I need clarity, not confusion.”
“I don’t chase consistency — I expect it.”
Healthy boundaries don’t create distance from the right people.
They create peace with them.
Why the End of the Year Is the Perfect Time to Reset
The holidays have a way of exposing patterns we’ve been politely ignoring.
Who stresses you out?
Who drains you?
Who disappears and reappears like a seasonal decoration?
Who expects access without effort?
December doesn’t create these dynamics — it merely highlights them.
And that clarity?
That’s a gift.
Boundary #1: You Don’t Have to Explain Yourself Into Exhaustion
If you’ve ever found yourself:
Writing paragraphs to justify a decision
Over-clarifying a boundary
Softening your “no” until it sounded like a “maybe.”
This is your reminder:
People who respect you don’t need a PowerPoint.
A calm, confident boundary doesn’t need a backstory.
It just needs consistency.
Boundary #2: Mixed Signals Are Still a Signal
As we enter the new year, let’s retire the phrase:
“I’m just not sure what he means.”
Because uncertainty is information.
Consistency doesn’t confuse.
Interest doesn’t disappear.
Effort doesn’t require interpretation.
If you’re decoding behavior more than enjoying connection, that’s your cue — not your flaw.
Boundary #3: Access Is Earned, Not Seasonal
One of the sneakiest patterns this time of year is seasonal closeness.
People who:
Show up during holidays
Get nostalgic when the year ends
Reach out when they’re lonely
Fade when real effort is required
New rule for the new year:
If someone wants you only when it’s convenient, cozy, or celebratory — that’s not connection. That’s availability management.
You’re allowed to opt out.
Boundary #4: Calm Is Not Boring — It’s a Green Flag
Let’s clear this up before we head into another year:
Peace isn’t dull.
Stability isn’t a downgrade.
Predictable communication is attractive.
If your nervous system feels calmer around someone — that’s not a lack of chemistry.
That’s emotional safety.
And emotional safety is the foundation of every healthy relationship you admire from afar.
Boundary #5: You’re Allowed to Choose Yourself Without Guilt
You don’t owe access to:
People who drain you
Situations that confuse you
Conversations that go nowhere
Relationships that only exist in potential
Choosing yourself doesn’t make you selfish.
It makes you available for better.
A Gentle New-Year Reframe
Instead of resolutions like:
“I won’t date the wrong person again.”
“I’ll be more guarded.”
“I’ll stop caring so much.”
Try this instead:
“I will pay attention to how I feel around people — and trust that information.”
That’s not rigid.
That’s wise.
Tiny Truth to Carry Into the New Year
Boundaries aren’t walls.
They’re filters — and they let the right people through.
You don’t need to announce them.
You just need to live them.
Closing Thought
As this year closes, you’re not starting over.
You’re starting with greater clarity.
Clearer about what you want.
Clearer about what you won’t tolerate.
Clearer about the fact that peace feels better than proving a point ever did.
Here’s to a new year of sane choices, classy boundaries, and being completely unbothered by anything that doesn’t meet you where you are.
The Gift You Really Want: Someone Who Texts Back Before January
December is full of gifts we don’t really need.
Another candle.
A scarf you’ll forget you own by February.
A mug that says something inspirational but still doesn’t fix your love life.
But there is one gift many of us quietly wish for this time of year — and it doesn’t come wrapped.
It’s not diamonds.
It’s not a grand romantic gesture.
It’s this:
Someone who texts back.
Consistently.
Before January.
Let’s talk about why that bar feels shockingly high in December… and why it shouldn’t be.
Why December Makes Inconsistency Look Like Effort
There’s something about the holidays that makes minimal effort feel meaningful.
A “thinking of you” text suddenly feels like emotional availability.
A last-minute invite feels like intention.
A vague “we should get together” feels like a plan.
But here’s the truth we don’t always want to hear:
Holiday energy can turn breadcrumbs into ornaments.
Shiny. Festive. Still not filling.
The December Mirage: When Almost Feels Like Enough
In December, we’re surrounded by:
End-of-year reflection
Family questions
Friends posting in matching pajamas
A subtle (or not-so-subtle) pressure not to be alone
So when someone shows up a little, we tell ourselves:
“They’re busy.”
“It’s a crazy time of year.”
“At least they’re trying.”
And sometimes they are trying… just not in a way that builds anything lasting.
Because trying looks different from responding when it matters.
Let’s Be Honest About the Bare Minimum
Texting back isn’t romance.
It’s not vulnerability.
It’s not emotional depth.
It’s basic communication.
So when someone:
disappears for days
resurfaces with no explanation
sends warm messages without follow-through
promises more “after the holidays.”
That’s not mystery.
That’s not slow burn.
That’s delay.
And delay is information.
Why “After the Holidays” Is Not a Love Language
“After the holidays” is the adult version of:
“I’ll get back to you.”
Sometimes it’s real.
Sometimes it’s avoidance dressed up as timing.
Here’s a gentle question to ask yourself:
If they can’t show up now — when nothing is required — what will change later?
January doesn’t magically create consistency.
People do.
The Gift Exchange That Actually Matters
You don’t need someone who:
texts perfectly
responds immediately
sends paragraphs
You do deserve someone who:
responds within reason
communicates clearly
follows up when they say they will
doesn’t leave you guessing
Because the real gift isn’t attention.
Its reliability.
A Gentle December Filter
Here’s a simple way to protect your heart this season:
Before you invest emotionally, ask:
Do they text back without being prompted?
Do they initiate, not just respond?
Do their words match their timing?
If the answer is mostly “no,” then this isn’t the gift you’re waiting for.
It’s just wrapping paper.
A Little Humor (Because We Need It)
If someone can:
RSVP to a party
Show up to brunch
Post pictures
Scroll endlessly
But can’t send a simple response?
That’s not being busy.
That’s being selectively unavailable.
And you don’t need to unwrap that.
Tiny Holiday Truth
The gift you really want
isn’t a surprise.
It’s someone who shows up —
before January makes promises they won’t keep.
This season, choose the gift that lasts:
Clarity.
Consistency.
And someone who doesn’t leave your messages unopened like a forgotten package.
You’re not asking for too much.
You’re just asking the wrong person.
Holiday Soft Spots: Why We Lower Our Standards in December (and How to Lift Them Back Up Gently)
There’s something about December that turns our emotional thermostat down a notch. Lights go up, cheer goes up, and suddenly, we’re hit with this gentle winter breeze that whispers: “Maybe he’s different this time.”
We’ve all been there. One minute you’re minding your heart like a finely tuned instrument, and the next you’re letting nostalgia, holiday sparkle, and a familiar smile convince you that consistency is just taking a seasonal vacation. If December had a dating motto, it would be: “Soft hearts make soft decisions.”
Let’s talk about why that happens… and how to keep your standards gentle, not negotiable.
Why December Softens Us (Even When We Say We’re Done With That)
December hits our nervous system like a friendly relative who always talks politics at Thanksgiving: You didn’t invite it, but suddenly you’re in it.
1) Nostalgia Bias Is Real
Holiday songs on loop trigger memory magnets. We remember warmth, not reality. We think of that person we once almost trusted — and in our hearts, we skip the parts where they let us down.
2) Holiday Hope Is a Thing
There’s a cultural story about “new beginnings,” “magic,” and “everything changing at midnight.” Your brain hears “potential,” and it starts handing out emotional confetti like it’s a parade.
3) Seasonal Events Create Pressure
“Bring a date!” someone says. Suddenly, you’re scrolling through texts from June and thinking: Why not? Reality check: Holiday parties do not overwrite emotional history.
Soft Standards vs. Solid Standards — What’s the Difference?
In December, standards quietly get replaced with:
- “He’s nice enough.”
- “He seems less dramatic than October.”
- “Well… he did open the car door once.”
- “At least he’s here now.”
That’s not standards. That’s seasonal optimism with push notifications.
How to Lift Your Standards (Softly, Gently, With Humor)
1) Test for Consistency, Not Chemistry
Does he do the thing he said he’d do — more than once? If the answer is “sometimes,” that’s not consistency.
2) Reframe Holiday Warmth as Atmosphere, Not Affection
Twinkle lights look romantic on everyone. Holiday ambiance is a great backdrop — but your standards are the main character.
3) Stay Curious, Not Hopeful
Curious asks: What did he do last week? Does he make plans or imagine them? Hopeful says: He’ll grow into it.
4) Set a Gentle Filter Rule
Before you give him emotional shelf space, let him pass two real-world tests:
- Follow-through
- Follow-up (without reminders)
Real Talk: Soft Hearts Are a Strength — Until They’re a Loop
December doesn’t cancel your standards — it tests them. Does he add to your peace, or just to your playlist?
Standards aren’t Grinches. They’re gift receipts for future self-care.
Tiny Holiday Clarity Nugget
Warm moments are lovely — but consistent actions are love.
Stay warm, stay curious, and let your standards be your softest strength — not your softest spot.
The December Delusion: Why the Wrong Letter Looks Right Under Twinkle Lights
(And why you should never make big decisions while holding a peppermint mocha.)
Let’s talk about December—the month where even the wrong letter suddenly starts looking like a warm, emotionally available human being… instead of the walking inconsistency he was in June.
I call this phenomenon:
The December Delusion.
It’s as if your brain puts on a festive Instagram filter, and suddenly that man who has been “busy” since Labor Day now looks:
kind,
mysterious,
refreshingly responsive,
and somehow 34% more attractive after holiday drinks.
December does this to us.
Twinkle lights lower our IQ by 20 points.
Peppermint lattes impair judgment.
And our inner romantic—who's been quiet all year—suddenly wakes up like:
“Maybe he was the one… we just met in the wrong season.”
No, Sis.
He wasn’t the one in August, and he isn’t the one now.
December just knows how to set a mood.
Let’s unpack the three biggest December Delusions so you can spot them before you accidentally start planning a future with someone who thinks “communication” means liking your Instagram posts once a week.
🎄 Delusion #1: “He Texted Me… He Must Miss Me.”
Listen.
A December text from the wrong letter isn't a sign from the universe.
It’s a sign of his nostalgia, loneliness, or maybe his bourbon.
December makes even mediocre men reflective.
He’s not thinking about your compatibility—he’s thinking about his year-end highlight reel and wondering why he’s eating holiday leftovers alone.
A text that says “Hope you're well 😊” is not romance.
It is seasonal emotional turbulence.
Check whether he’s texting with intention.
Or simply because listening to “All I Want for Christmas Is You” on repeat got to him.
✨ Delusion #2: “He Looks So Much Better Than I Remember.”
Twinkle lights are powerful.
They can make a parking lot look romantic.
They can make hot chocolate taste gourmet.
They can make the wrong letter seem like a long-term partner.
But remember:
Decorative lighting is not a compatibility filter.
If he didn’t spark joy in June sunlight,
don’t let him suddenly turn into Prince Charming under a Walmart garland.
As a rule:
If you need holiday ambiance to like him… You actually don’t like him.
You like the season you’re in. Not the man.
❄️ Delusion #3: “Maybe He Changed…”
Ah, the classic holiday plot twist we create for ourselves every year.
He didn’t evolve.
He didn’t transform.
He didn’t go on a silent retreat and discover emotional depth.
He is just responding to the same seasonal loneliness that makes you want to text him back.
Amid the music, cinnamon scents, sweaters, and the pressure to “not be alone,” your brain becomes highly suggestible.
You’re not falling in love —
you’re just falling into seasonal sentimentality.
And the wrong letter thrives in environments where logic is offline.
Growth takes time.
December has 31 days.
Please adjust accordingly.
🎁 The Wrong Letter Only Looks Right Because January Feels Far Away
Here’s the truth:
We act differently in December because the consequences don’t seem real yet.
January is when clarity returns.
January is when standards come back.
January is when you look back and think:
“…I entertained WHO?”
December is temporary romance goggles.
January is the eye exam.
🧣Why December Men Feel Different (But They Shouldn't)
Here’s the thing:
December doesn’t change men.
It just changes your mood lighting.
Every letter group knows this.
A–E (The Grounded Builders)
They start feeling kinder. Warmer. More thoughtful.
It’s not growth yet — it’s nostalgia with good manners.
F–L (The Steady Hearts)
Suddenly philosophical.
Extra communicative.
Sending “hope you're doing well” messages with suspicious timing.
M–N (The Charming Whirlwinds)
Peak season.
This is their Olympics.
They thrive during “big feelings” months — and December is the Super Bowl of sentimentality.
O–T (The Deep Divers)
Intense. Reflective. Possibly hauling out old journal entries.
Their DMs come with a soft emotional backstory attached.
U–Z (The Wild Cards)
Unpredictable.
They either vanish or show up with “Hey, stranger” energy you weren’t prepared for.
None of this makes them the right letter.
It just makes them December versions of themselves.
And December versions of people are like holiday store displays:
beautiful to look at, fun to admire, but not built for long-term living.
🌟 Your December Dating Assignment
Instead of letting holiday ambiance cloud your judgment, try this:
Notice who makes you feel grounded, not dazzled.
Pay attention to consistency, not charm.
Choose conversations that feel warm in the daylight.
Stop flirting with nostalgia—it lies.
Remember that in January, you always know the truth.
December gives us magic.
January gives us clarity.
Please don’t confuse the two.
💜 Final Thought: You Deserve More Than Seasonal Attention
The right letter will feel right in every season—not just when glittery lights are doing half the emotional labor.
So while December Delusion may make the wrong letter look right…
Your intuition still knows the difference.
And she’s never wrong.
Holiday Dating Survival Guide, Part 2: Do I Like Him… or Do I Like the Holiday Attention?
(Because sometimes the mistletoe makes us delusional.)
’Tis the season…
for twinkle lights, peppermint lattes, emotional nostalgia, and the sudden urge to believe that the man who barely texts back in October is somehow "different" in December.
Let’s go ahead and call this what it is:
Holiday Brain.
It’s just like regular dating brain, but with a dash of cinnamon.
And if you’ve ever found yourself wondering:
Do I actually like him?
Or do I just like being noticed when everything feels especially sparkly?
Then, this post is your holiday PSA.
Because nothing messes with clarity faster than a cute guy in a scarf saying, “We should hang out before the year ends.”
Let’s walk through this gently — with humor, clarity, and maybe a cookie.
🎁 Symptom #1: You Feel a Warm Glow… But It Might Just Be the Space Heater
He texts you:
“Happy Post Thanksgiving week 😊”
And suddenly you’re like:
“Wow… he’s emotionally available now.”
No, Sis.
He’s just finished work and is in a good mood because someone else cooked.
Before you start picturing matching pajamas, ask yourself:
Would I care if this same message came in September?
If the answer is “probably not,”
that’s holiday attention talking — not compatibility.
Don't confuse the limited-edition, peppermint-scented version of a man,
with the regular, all-year model.
❄️ Symptom #2: You Mistake Convenience for Chemistry
Holiday Attention Guy is suddenly:
liking your posts
responding faster
asking how you’ve been
sending memes again
using more exclamation points than usual!!
And you’re like:
“OMG, he’s grown.”
Has he?
Or is he just lonely, and suddenly sentimental because the Hallmark channel has been on for two weeks straight?
Holiday loneliness is not emotional maturity.
(Though it dresses up nicely.)
🎄 Symptom #3: You Like the Vibe… Not the Man
The vibe:
twinkle lights
cozy sweaters
festive cocktails
background Christmas music
the soft delusion that romance is in the air
The man:
hasn’t planned a real date.
alternates between “Maybe” and “We’ll see.”
gives you mild anxiety with a peppermint twist.
Ask yourself:
Am I excited about him…or the idea of having someone to flirt with while sipping whipped-cream-topped beverages?
If it’s the beverage, please step away from the fantasy.
🎁 Symptom #4: You Want Someone to Bring to Holiday Events
Ah, yes… the seasonal relationship placeholder.
He’s not boyfriend material,
but he could be “my plus-one so Aunt Linda stops asking me questions” material.
Suddenly, any man with a pulse and a clean shirt starts looking like potential.
But emotional decisions made under decorative lighting should be revisited in January.
Especially decisions made after eggnog.
This is how we end up entertaining men we don’t even like — to avoid family commentary.
Reminder:
Don’t let loneliness or annoyance choose your date.
Those two have never paid your therapy bill.
🔔 Symptom #5: The Thought of New Year’s Eve Makes You Romantic
You’re not in love.
You’re just allergic to watching couples kiss while you hold a cheese plate.
Completely understandable.
Still not a reason to lower your standards.
🧣 If You Want Holiday Attention… Own It
Sometimes you’re not looking for a soulmate —
You’re just looking for someone to split a gingerbread cookie with.
That's fine.
Normal.
Human.
And definitely not a moral failure.
Just be honest with yourself so that December fun doesn’t turn into January heartbreak.
🌟 Holiday Clarity Moment
Before responding to any holiday-season attention, ask yourself:
“Do I actually like him,
Or do I like how he fills the holiday silence?”
Your answer will save you from January regret.
🎁 A Little Truth to Take With You
Holiday Attention Guy rarely becomes January Boyfriend.
January Boyfriends require:
consistency
clarity
follow-through
respect
actual plans
calendars
daylight communication
Holiday Attention Guy often disappears on December 26th
Like a seasonal item, Target won’t restock.
💜 Final Thought: Give Yourself the Attention You’re Craving
If this season makes you want connection:
call your friends.
schedule cozy nights.
take cute photos.
buy yourself a gift.
drink the good wine that you saved for a special occasion.
A real connection will grow beyond the sparkle.
If it’s seasonal, it will melt faster than a snowman in Atlanta.
Either way —
You deserve attention that lasts longer than the holiday décor.
And you will have it.
Holiday Dating Survival Guide (Alphabet Theory Edition)
Ah, the holidays — that magical time of year when twinkling lights sparkle, peppermint everything appears uninvited, and suddenly everyone you’ve ever dated starts texting you like they’re filming a reboot of A Christmas Carol.
But before you fall into the annual trap of “holiday hopefulness” (a condition where you confuse seasonal loneliness with emotional clarity), let’s look at how to survive — and actually enjoy — the most relationship-charged season of the year.
ABT style, of course. 💜
🎄 1. Beware of the Seasonal Texting Surge
Every November, without fail, the ghosts of letters past rise like unwanted emotional holiday decorations.
If your phone lights up with:
“Hey, stranger”
“Happy Thanksgiving 😊”
Or my personal favorite:
“Thinking of you. Hope you’re well.”
...don't fall for it.
It’s not emotional growth.
It’s not fate.
It’s not divine timing.
It’s seasonal loneliness wearing a Santa hat.
Pause. Breathe.
Then respond with the maturity of someone who knows her letter groups:
“Wishing you well, too.”
…and close the door gently.
🎁 2. Know Your Letter Group in Holiday Mode
Each AlphaBet Theory group acts differently once Mariah Carey defrosts.
A–E: The Grounded Builders
They become extra responsible.
They host.
They organize.
They bring the good wine.
These are the people you actually want to be around this season.
F–L: The Steady Hearts
Everyone’s favorite comfort zone.
Warm, thoughtful, reliable — the ones who show up with a blanket and a plate.
If you’re dating someone in this group, congratulations. You’ve effortlessly survived cuffing season.
M–N: The Charming Whirlwinds
Holiday mode turns them into glitter with a pulse.
Fun, spontaneous, memorable — but not always emotionally consistent.
Great for parties.
Not always great for planning New Year’s Eve.
O–T: The Deep Divers
Sensitive, reflective, and sometimes moody.
They feel the holidays intensely.
If you’re dating one, be ready for meaning, depth, and at least one philosophical moment over mashed potatoes.
U–Z: The Wild Cards
Unpredictable in all seasons, but the holidays enhance it.
They might book a spontaneous trip to Aspen.
They might forget to RSVP to your work party.
They might do both in the same 24 hours.
Handle with curiosity AND caution.
(But you’ll laugh, I promise.)
🧣 3. Protect Your Energy at Family Gatherings
There’s always someone at Thanksgiving dinner who believes they’re on a mission from the Dating Census Bureau.
“So, when are you getting serious?”
“Are you seeing anyone?”
“What about that nice boy from church?”
Repeat after me:
“I’m focusing on alignment, not placeholders.” Then take a sip of cider or maybe something a little stronger, like the goddess you are.
We don’t rush into relationships just because Grandma thinks you’d look adorable in matching pajamas.
🦃 4. If You’ve Just Started Dating Someone… Keep It Light
The week of Thanksgiving is not the time to decide if he’s meeting your extended family, who still argue about who made the best sweet potato pie in 1997.
If it’s new:
No heavy labels
No dramatic expectations
No pressure
No assuming you’re suddenly “holiday official.”
Keep it simple:
“Hope you have a great holiday!”
No spreadsheets.
No emotional dissertations.
Just vibes.
🎉 5. Don't Confuse Holiday Chemistry with Compatibility
Holidays create:
Pretty lights
Nostalgia
Cold weather cuddles
Emotional vulnerability
Boredom
Bonus loneliness
Excess sugar intake
It’s basically the perfect recipe for misreading a moment.
Just because someone looks good under string lights does not mean they are your future.
Be observant.
Be grounded.
And please — don't assign emotional meaning to a man who just bought you a peppermint mocha.
🎬 6. Prep Your Exit Strategies (You Will Need Them)
Holiday boundaries are a gift to yourself.
Use these phrases freely:
“I’m keeping this season stress-free.”
“I’m focusing on family and personal peace.”
“I’m not emotionally available for holiday mysteries.”
“I’m choosing joy this year, not confusion.”
Add a smile and a gentle tone, and suddenly you become the emotionally intelligent queen of Christmas.
✨7. Create Your Own Holiday Tradition
This season isn’t about avoiding the wrong letters — it’s about choosing yourself.
Start something just for yourself.
A cozy ritual
A weekly self-date
A playlist
A movie night
A baking session
A gratitude practice
Peace is a holiday gift too.
And it comes pre-wrapped.
💜 Final Word: You Don’t Need a Holiday Plus-One
You need:
Clarity
Confidence
Boundaries
Joy
Laughter
Real connection
Friends who get your letter group
A good blanket
Snacks
If love shows up this season, great!
If it doesn’t?
You still have the whole holiday vibe.
Next Week: Blog Post 12
Do I Like Him… or Do I Just Like the Attention?
A little spicy. A little honest. Very necessary.
Dear Past Me: Stop Texting Him Back
Dear Past Me,
I love you. Truly. You did your best with the tools you had—intuition, butterflies, optimism, and that one friend who gave terrible advice but had great hair. And honestly? Those tools took us pretty far.
But we need to talk about the texting, especially texting him.
Because I recall how it happened.
He’d send “hey” at 11:47 PM.
No punctuation.
No context.
Not even a question mark.
And your whole heart would light up as if someone turned on a lamp.
Baby…
That wasn’t romance.
That was low battery mode.
You Weren’t Texting Him — You Were Texting the Renovation Plan
You weren’t responding to the man who was there.
You were replying to:
The potential version
The improved version
The fully emotionally available man who communicates clearly, schedules dates in advance, apologizes properly, and keeps his promises.
The version of him you created, like you were on HGTV: Emotional Edition.
You had blueprints.
A mood board.
Fixtures picked out.
The open-concept floor plan of his healed emotional landscape.
Meanwhile, the real man was still… in demolition.
Not ready for showing.
Permit not approved.
Hard hat required.
You can't move into a house that’s still under construction, sweetheart.
You Took Breadcrumbs and Baked a Whole Wedding Cake
He sent: "Miss you.”
And you translated that into: "I have spent time in deep reflection and realized you are my heart's home.”
Ma'am, he was just bored while waiting in line at Jersey Mike's.
Your Friends Weren’t Being Harsh — They Were Acting as Security Guards
Remember when your best friend said:
If he wanted to, he would.
And you got offended?
Sis, she wasn’t judging you.
She was trying to escort that clown out of your personal emotional data center.
She recognized the red flags before you turned them into decorative throw pillows.
You Weren’t Weak — You Were Hopeful
Hope isn't a flaw.
Hope is beautiful.
But hope needs to be supported by behavior.
By:
Effort
Follow-through
Consistency
And replies that do not come three business days later
We no longer accept love that comes in delayed installments.
And in Case You’re Wondering… You Grew
You have learned to:
Pause before responding.
Match effort, not imagination.
Choose peace over adrenaline
Recognize when “chemistry” was merely anxiety in disguise.
Your future self — me — is genuinely proud of you.
And she responds more slowly now.
Intentionally.
Because she waits to see echo, effort, and energy.
With love — and a raised eyebrow of shared experience,
Your Present-Day Self
P.S. He was not the lesson.
You were — and see how you’re learning to love yourself more.
💜
Next Week:
Holiday Dating Survival Guide (Alphabet Theory Edition)
Because nothing brings out the wrong letters like holiday nostalgia.
How to Break the Letter Loop (Gently, with Snacks)
So, you’ve noticed you keep dating the same type of person—same energy, same storyline, same last initial—and now you’re wondering: Okay, great… how do I break the cycle? Do I move to the mountains? Block everyone named Michael or Noah? Become emotionally unavailable but with better skincare?
Don’t panic. You don’t need a mountain, a retreat, or a vow of silence. You need a reset—one slight, brave shift at a time.
Step 1: Identify Your Pattern (a.k.a. Know Your Script)
Before you change the ending, you need to admit you’ve been rereading the same chapter.
Ask yourself:
What kind of person do I keep choosing?
What’s the emotional rhythm of my relationships? (Fast start, slow fade? Bare minimum but great eyebrows?)
Do all my breakups feel like déjà vu?
When you can identify your loop, you can break it.
Step 2: Date the Reality, Not the Potential
If Blog Post 8 called you out gently, consider this your hug.
Stop dating people for who they could be after emotional renovations. Date them for who they are today—without a makeover, a TED Talk, or future therapy.
Here’s the rule: If you have to write a sequel to justify staying mentally, it’s not love—it’s a script.
Step 3: Try a Different Letter (Yes, Really)
If you keep dating from the M–N “Charming Whirlwind” group (all passion, no planning), maybe it’s time to try... a different letter.
A–E (Builders): They show up early and bring snacks.
F–L (Steady Hearts): Calm, consistent, shockingly emotionally available.
O–T (Deep Divers): Feelings. Journals. Eye contact.
U–Z (Wild Cards): They own a passport, feelings optional.
If you always order emotional chaos, try something with fiber instead.
Step 4: Redefine ‘Spark’
Chemistry shouldn’t feel like anxiety in disguise.
Ask yourself:
Do I feel calm around this person?
Do I trust them?
Or do I feel like I’m in a group chat with my heart, my gut, and a fire alarm?
Spark should feel like interest—not survival mode.
Step 5: Set a No-Rewrite Rule
If someone shows you their emotional operating system—believe it.
No rewriting red flags into poetry.
No turning bare minimum effort into destiny.
Your new rule: Date the person in front of you, not the one in your imagination wearing their potential.
Mini Reflection (Screenshot This):
What letter group do I keep choosing?
What do I love about it? What hurts about it?
If love showed up healthy, would I even recognize it?
What’s one small habit I can change at the beginning of a connection?
A Soft Reminder (From Someone Who Gets It)
You’re not behind. You’re not broken. You’re just learning to stop auditioning for heartbreak and beginning to choose peace.
The wrong letter isn’t a failure—it’s a teacher.
Learn the lesson. Take the diploma. Move on.
Next Week on the Blog…
We’re doing something fun and slightly chaotic:
“Love Letters I Should Have Sent (But Never Did)”
Real letters. Real feelings. No postage required.
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Are You in Love — or Just Addicted to Potential?
I once dated a man I was completely convinced would be amazing someday.
Not right now.
Not actually.
But in the imagined future version of him I created in my mind, like a home renovation project I watch on HGTV.
That, my friend, is not love. That’s an addiction to potential — and it should come with a warning label and perhaps a support group.
And yes… it often shows up in the same letter group.
Michael M., who almost had his life together.
Nathan N., who could benefit from therapy.
And Matthew M., who said, “I’m working on myself” and then took a nap.
What Does “Addicted to Potential” Mean?
It’s when you don’t fall in love with the person in front of you—you fall in love with who they could be if they healed, matured, communicated, planned, apologized, and occasionally responded to a text.
It’s not love.
It’s emotional Pinterest. You don’t truly have the person; you just have a vision board of them.
Signs You’re in Love With Potential (Not the Person)
✔ You say things like, “He’s not there yet… but he could be."
✔ You’re more in love with their growth journey than their actual behavior.
✔ Every red flag becomes a future redemption arc in your mind.
✔ Your therapist hears his name and just… sighs.
✔ You keep defending them with sentences that start with, “But if he just—”
Why We Do This (Without Going Too Deep or Getting Too Therapeutic)
· Because hope is powerful.
· Because your heart tends to be optimistic and your brain enjoys character development.
· Because it’s easier to believe in someone’s potential than to accept they might never reach it.
And let’s be honest — healing someone is way more romantic in movies than in real life.
Plus, if you’ve dated from the same letter loop (hi, M–N group), your nervous system probably thinks dramatic progress and emotional chaos is love.
The Hard Truth (Said Softly)
You can't date someone’s potential.
You can only date their reality.
And sometimes their reality is:
Great heart, poor follow-through.
Great ideas, no follow-through.
Emotionally deep... only after midnight and three whiskeys.
Potential is beautiful, but you shouldn’t have to build the person before entering the relationship.
So… What Now?
Don’t worry — this isn’t the part where I tell you to move to the mountains and stop texting. We'll save solutions for next week.
✨ Next Week on the Blog:
“How to Break the Letter Loop (Gently, with Snacks)”
A step-by-step guide to:
Choosing reality over potential
Dating in a new letter group
And loving yourself enough to stop editing other people like drafts.
💌 Want it delivered directly to your inbox?
Subscribe to Louise’s Love Letter — tiny relationship truths, no judgment, all heart (and sarcasm).
Why I Keep Dating the Same Letter (and Pretending I’m Surprised)
Have you ever looked back at your dating history and thought, “Why do all my exes feel like sequels to the same badly written movie?” Same. If my love life had credits, it would say: Starring Jason M., Marcus N., and Noah M. — different men, same storyline.
Jason M. wrote poetry but didn't respond to texts for three business days. Marcus N. made you feel like the main character… until he vanished like a coupon code. And Noah M.? He said he wasn’t like the others because he “meditated now.” (He did. Once.)
Different men
Same last-name initial group.
Same story
Same emotional roller coaster.
Same Ending.
It's like being stuck in a 'Letter Loop'.
Wait—what’s a “Letter Loop”?
In The Alphabet Theory, each person’s last-name initial falls into a personality group.
M–N letters are known as the Charming Whirlwinds — passionate, exciting, allergic to Google Calendar invites.
So when I say “Letter Loop,” I don’t just mean dating guys whose last names start with M or N. I mean, dating the same emotional pattern, just in different shoes.
It’s not about the name. It’s about the energy.
The vibe.
The emotional playlist on repeat.
The Letter Loop (Now That We Know What It Is)
So why do we keep dating the same “letter” — or the same type — over and over again?
Let’s skip the therapy textbook and keep it simple:
1. Familiar feels safe… even when it’s a mess.
Someone who texts you good morning and asks about your day? Cute.
But your nervous system whispers, “Hmm. Suspicious.”
Someone who answers three days later with “sorry, been busy”?
“Ah. Home.”
2. We confuse fireworks with feelings.
Chemistry is loud — sparks, goosebumps, chaos.
Compatibility is quiet — consistency, brings snacks, follow-through.
Sadly, snacks have never written a love song.
3. You’re not addicted to a person — you’re addicted to a plot.
You don’t keep falling for Mark M. because of the letter M.
You’re addicted to the storyline: The Almost. The Fixer-Upper. The Emotional Gym Membership (shows up twice, then disappears forever).
Signs You Might Be in a Letter Loop
✔ You already know how this relationship ends — and you're still on chapter two.
✔ Your friends greet new boyfriends with, “So… what’s his last name initial?”
✔ Your journal could be copied and pasted with different names.
✔ You feel butterflies and heartburn at the same time.
✔ You find yourself saying, “No, trust me — this one is different.”
Here’s the good news
You’re not broken. You’re hopeful.
We don’t repeat letters out of foolishness. We do it because we’re trying to write a better ending than last time.
And I promise — you can.
But only if we stop rewriting the same script, and stop hiring the same letter for the same role.
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7 First-Date Green Flags You Shouldn’t Ignore
7 First-Date Green Flags | Dating Advice You Need
Red flags tend to get a lot of attention, but let’s switch it up: what about the green flags? Those small, meaningful moments on a first date that quietly say, ‘Hey, this could really be something special.’
Why We Focus Too Much on Red Flags
Fear alerts us to danger, but it also blinds us to opportunities. When we focus on red flags, we often miss the subtle (but important) green flags.
7 Green Flags
· They show up on time (respect).
· They ask you real questions (interest).
· They listen without interrupting (attention).
· They laugh at your jokes (connection).
· They put their phone away (presence).
· They respect boundaries (maturity).
· You leave feeling lighter, not drained (chemistry + compatibility).
Green flags might not be as eye-catching as red ones, but they serve as breadcrumbs leading you to lasting love. Watch for them, and you’ll avoid years of detours.
👉 Ready to test your radar? Take the [Deal-Breaker Decoder Quiz] and find out your score.
Alphabet Dating: Do Initials Really Predict Love?
Alphabet Dating Theory | Do Initials Predict Love?
What if the key to your love life was right in front of you… in the alphabet? Sounds crazy, right? But time and time again, people discover strange patterns when they match up their partners’ initials.
The Science of Patterns in Love
Humans are pattern-seeking beings. We notice coincidences, but sometimes they aren’t actually coincidences. Think about it: you’ve probably dated multiple people who fit a certain mold. The Alphabet Theory takes that idea and turns it into a framework that’s part insight, part comedy, and part uncanny truth. It's a theory that resonates with our shared experiences in love and relationships.
How Alphabet Theory Works
So, what's your last name’s initial? A–E? You’re a Grounded Builder. F–L? A Steady Heart. M–N? A Charming Whirlwind. O–T? A Deep Diver. U–Z? A Wild Card. Once you recognize these patterns, it’s impossible to unsee them. It's like having a secret decoder for your love life. Why not give it a try and see what you discover?
Stories That Prove It’s Not Just a Coincidence
Take my story: my first crush was an ‘R,’ and my husband is an ‘L.’ The differences in compatibility were striking. And once I started asking friends, coworkers, and even strangers, the stories flooded in — uncanny similarities, such as shared hobbies, hilarious mishaps like always ordering the same dish at a restaurant, and a few heartbreaks due to fundamental differences.
👉 Curious about what your letter reveals about you? Take the [Which Letter Group Is Your Match? Quiz] or read more in *Stop Dating the Wrong Letters.*
Why Compatibility Matters More Than Chemistry
Compatibility vs. Chemistry in Love | Why It Matters
We’ve all been there — swept off our feet by someone who makes our heart race faster than our Amazon delivery guy. That spark (a.k.a. chemistry) is thrilling — but spoiler alert: it’s not enough to keep the lights on. The real love glue? Compatibility.
The Spark vs. The Foundation
Chemistry is like a firework — dazzling, loud, and gone in sixty seconds. Compatibility is the brick house that doesn’t burn down when life throws sparks at it.
Yes, chemistry makes those first few dates feel like rom-com montages, but compatibility is where the real magic happens. Shared values, aligned goals, similar lifestyles — these are what keep the connection alive long after the butterflies have flown off to someone else’s garden. Without that alignment, the brightest flame fizzles out faster than your phone battery at 2%.
Signs You’re Confusing Chemistry for Compatibility
· You excuse bad behavior because “the spark is so strong.”
· You feel like you’re on a roller coaster, not in a partnership.
· You keep hoping they’ll change once the passion settles down. Spoiler: they won’t.
If this sounds familiar, you might be high on chemistry but starving for compatibility.
Why Compatibility Is the Long Game
Compatible partners might not sweep you off your feet on day one. But they’ll:
· Hold your hand when you’re sick.
· Laugh at your terrible jokes.
· Remember to pay the Wi-Fi bill (on time, bless them).
That’s not just romance — that’s reliability. And in the long run, reliability is sexy.
Chemistry brings you to the dance floor. Compatibility decides if you’ll survive the slow songs — and maybe even learn a few new moves together.
Ready to Test Your Match?
So yes, chemistry is fun. But compatibility is forever. Ready to see if you’re dating the right letter — or just stuck on the wrong spark?
👉 Take the Alphabet Theory Quiz or grab your copy of *Stop Dating the Wrong Letters*. Your future self (and your Wi-Fi bill) will thank you.
5 Red Flags That Aren’t as Cute as You Think
We’ve all been there. Someone does something a little odd, and instead of trusting our gut, we say, “Oh, that’s just their quirk.” Spoiler alert: quirks don’t usually ghost you, drain your bank account, or eat the last slice of pizza without asking.
Here are five “quirky” behaviors that are actually 🚩 red flags in disguise:
They say they’re “bad at texting,” which actually means they’re not that eager to stay in touch. Phones are a two-way street.
They “don’t believe in labels,” that’s code for: they want the relationship perks without the commitment paperwork.
They’re always “too busy." If they’re too busy to make time for you now, trust me, it won’t magically get better later.
They call their ex “crazy”
Unless their ex was auditioning for a Lifetime thriller, this is a sign they’re dodging their accountability.They only make plans at the last minute. Spontaneity is fun, but chronic last-minute invites? That’s someone keeping you as Plan B.
Quick Takeaway
If you catch yourself saying, “It’s kinda cute,” when it’s a 🚩, it’s probably time to rethink things. Chemistry is fun, but consistency is sexier.
👉 Have you overlooked a “quirk” that later turned into a full-blown disaster? Share your story in the comments—I promise you’re not the only one.
The WELL Method: How to Vet a Partner Without Losing Your Sanity
Dating nowadays is similar to shopping online: many options, lots of filters... and half of what appears isn't what you ordered. (Looking at you, “6-foot athletic type” who turns out to be 5’7” with a gym membership he used once.)
That’s why I created the WELL Method—my go-to checklist for figuring out if someone is worth your time before you end up emotionally bankrupt.
What Is the WELL Method?
The WELL Method stands for Worthy, Energy, Lifestyle Fit, and Legacy Alignment. Think of it as a dating compass:
Worthy – Do they recognize your value, and more importantly, do you? Do you feel seen or just watched?
Energy – How do you feel when you’re around them? Drained, anxious, lit up, safe? Energy doesn’t lie.
Lifestyle – Are your worlds even remotely compatible? You can’t merge with someone who wants kids, while you’re planning a solo “Eat, Pray, Love” reboot.
Legacy – Do you share similar visions for the future? Are you trying to build a future, find a good time, or just pass the time?
Why It Works
Because the WELL Method forces you to slow down.
Instead of swiping right based on cheekbones or charisma, you’re asking: Do they fit my life?
Instead of ignoring red flags (you know, the ones we all claim we “didn’t see”), you’re spotting them early.
Instead of hoping chemistry will magically turn into commitment, you’re checking if they can walk the talk.
A Personal Example
The Bunny Slipper Breakup
Once upon a time, I dated a man I probably should’ve side-stepped. He was five years older, 6’5” to my 5’3”, and so tall I had to stand on a chair just to kiss him. At first, it felt romantic — he pursued me like I was the crown jewel of his kingdom. He’d pick me up from home and drive me to school — a grand total of three blocks. Then he’d come back on his lunch break, whisk me off to eat, and return me safely home like some overzealous chauffeur.
At first, I thought: Wow, chivalry is not dead.
But it turns out what I mistook for kindness was actually obsession disguised as attention.
The reality check hit one evening when he stopped by, insisted I take a ride with him, and then got mad when I tried to talk about how closely he was watching my every move. His fix? Kick me out of the car.
Twenty city blocks away from home. After dark. Wearing fluffy bunny slippers.
Let me share something — nothing dissolves a romantic daydream faster than navigating cracked sidewalks and uncertain street corners while you're dressed for a comfy pajama party. That was quite a long, humbling, yet eye-opening walk.
Lesson Learned
If someone’s love feels like a security detail, it’s not romance — it’s control. Don’t just listen to the sweet words. Watch how they show up in every part of your life. Attention that smothers isn’t love. It’s a red flag with a chauffeur’s license.
Your Turn
So, here’s your challenge: take the next person you’re interested in—or even your current partner—and run them through the WELL filter. Do they measure up? Or are they just “well… maybe not”?
👉 Share your WELL wins or disasters in the comments. Or, if you’d rather spill your tea privately, join the 2-OYS mailing list. You’ll also get the free ABT Compatibility Chart—because dating with a cheat sheet is way more fun.
Stop Dating the Wrong Letters: How ABT Decodes Love & Laughs
We’ve all said it: “I must have a type.”
Tall. Funny. Plays guitar. Or maybe he's just... emotionally unavailable but with great hair. (Don’t worry, I’ve been there, too.)
But what if your “type” isn’t about looks, hobbies, or the size of their shoe collection? What if your type is hiding in plain sight—in their last name letter?
Welcome to the AlphaBet Theory (ABT), where love, laughter, and the alphabet come together.
My “Letter” Problem
I used to think I had a “type.” Turns out, I had a letter.
I kept falling for the “R” boys—Barry R., Larry R. (Yes, brothers. Don’t judge me—I was young, and the heart makes questionable decisions). Let’s say they weren’t exactly cosmic soulmates. Looking back, I should have seen the pattern stamped right there in their names.
That was when I started connecting the dots—or rather, the letters. And the AlphaBet Theory was born.
The 5 Subgroups of ABT
Here’s the main idea: your last name sorts you into one of five compatibility groups.
A–E: The Grounded Builders – idealistic, loyal, and practical.
F–L: The Steady Hearts - warm, nurturing, and reliable.
M–N: The Charming Whirlwinds – charismatic, spontaneous, and fun.
O–T: The Deep Divers – introspective, intense, and stubborn.
U–Z: The Wild Cards — bold, go with the flow, and unpredictable.
Some groups spark instant chemistry (hello, fireworks)—others... not so much (more like a fire hazard).
But the best part? Once you understand your group, you can spot red flags, green lights, and “proceed with caution” signs before you get ghosted, breadcrumbed, or stuck in another relationship that feels like a Netflix drama without the binge-watch payoff.
Why You’ll Love This Journey
In my book, Stop Dating the Wrong Letters, you’ll:
Understand what your subgroup uncovers about your love style.
Learn my WELL Method (a smart way to vet dates without losing your mind).
Spot the red and green flags in dating before you waste your best mascara.
Get practical tools for building genuine relationships—with humor, wisdom, and a touch of sass.
Your Turn: What’s Your “Letter”?
Now it’s your turn—who’s your letter? Have you kept falling for the same initials over and over? (It’s okay. We’ve all had our “Toxic T” or “No-Go N.”)
👉 Share your story in the comments below or join the 2-OYS mailing list to share privately. When you do, you’ll receive a free Compatibility Chart—a quick, handy cheat sheet for identifying your best (and worst) matches at a glance.
Because love is hard enough, decoding it shouldn’t be.