Are You in Love — or Just Addicted to Potential?
I once dated a man I was completely convinced would be amazing someday.
Not right now.
Not actually.
But in the imagined future version of him I created in my mind, like a home renovation project I watch on HGTV.
That, my friend, is not love. That’s an addiction to potential — and it should come with a warning label and perhaps a support group.
And yes… it often shows up in the same letter group.
Michael M., who almost had his life together.
Nathan N., who could benefit from therapy.
And Matthew M., who said, “I’m working on myself” and then took a nap.
What Does “Addicted to Potential” Mean?
It’s when you don’t fall in love with the person in front of you—you fall in love with who they could be if they healed, matured, communicated, planned, apologized, and occasionally responded to a text.
It’s not love.
It’s emotional Pinterest. You don’t truly have the person; you just have a vision board of them.
Signs You’re in Love With Potential (Not the Person)
✔ You say things like, “He’s not there yet… but he could be."
✔ You’re more in love with their growth journey than their actual behavior.
✔ Every red flag becomes a future redemption arc in your mind.
✔ Your therapist hears his name and just… sighs.
✔ You keep defending them with sentences that start with, “But if he just—”
Why We Do This (Without Going Too Deep or Getting Too Therapeutic)
· Because hope is powerful.
· Because your heart tends to be optimistic and your brain enjoys character development.
· Because it’s easier to believe in someone’s potential than to accept they might never reach it.
And let’s be honest — healing someone is way more romantic in movies than in real life.
Plus, if you’ve dated from the same letter loop (hi, M–N group), your nervous system probably thinks dramatic progress and emotional chaos is love.
The Hard Truth (Said Softly)
You can't date someone’s potential.
You can only date their reality.
And sometimes their reality is:
Great heart, poor follow-through.
Great ideas, no follow-through.
Emotionally deep... only after midnight and three whiskeys.
Potential is beautiful, but you shouldn’t have to build the person before entering the relationship.
So… What Now?
Don’t worry — this isn’t the part where I tell you to move to the mountains and stop texting. We'll save solutions for next week.
✨ Next Week on the Blog:
“How to Break the Letter Loop (Gently, with Snacks)”
A step-by-step guide to:
Choosing reality over potential
Dating in a new letter group
And loving yourself enough to stop editing other people like drafts.
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