Why I Keep Dating the Same Letter (and Pretending I’m Surprised)

Have you ever looked back at your dating history and thought, “Why do all my exes feel like sequels to the same badly written movie?” Same. If my love life had credits, it would say: Starring Jason M., Marcus N., and Noah M. — different men, same storyline.

Jason M. wrote poetry but didn't respond to texts for three business days. Marcus N. made you feel like the main character… until he vanished like a coupon code. And Noah M.? He said he wasn’t like the others because he “meditated now.” (He did. Once.)

Different men

• Same last-name initial group.

• Same story

• Same emotional roller coaster.

• Same Ending.

It's like being stuck in a 'Letter Loop'.

Wait—what’s a “Letter Loop”?

In The Alphabet Theory, each person’s last-name initial falls into a personality group.
M–N letters are known as the Charming Whirlwinds — passionate, exciting, allergic to Google Calendar invites.

So when I say “Letter Loop,” I don’t just mean dating guys whose last names start with M or N. I mean, dating the same emotional pattern, just in different shoes.

It’s not about the name. It’s about the energy.
The vibe.
The emotional playlist on repeat.

The Letter Loop (Now That We Know What It Is)

So why do we keep dating the same “letter” — or the same type — over and over again?

Let’s skip the therapy textbook and keep it simple:

1. Familiar feels safe… even when it’s a mess.

Someone who texts you good morning and asks about your day? Cute.
But your nervous system whispers, “Hmm. Suspicious.”
Someone who answers three days later with “sorry, been busy”?
“Ah. Home.”

2. We confuse fireworks with feelings.

Chemistry is loud — sparks, goosebumps, chaos.
Compatibility is quiet — consistency, brings snacks, follow-through.
Sadly, snacks have never written a love song.

3. You’re not addicted to a person — you’re addicted to a plot.

You don’t keep falling for Mark M. because of the letter M.
You’re addicted to the storyline: The Almost. The Fixer-Upper. The Emotional Gym Membership (shows up twice, then disappears forever).

Signs You Might Be in a Letter Loop

✔ You already know how this relationship ends — and you're still on chapter two.
✔ Your friends greet new boyfriends with, “So… what’s his last name initial?”
✔ Your journal could be copied and pasted with different names.
✔ You feel butterflies and heartburn at the same time.
✔ You find yourself saying, “No, trust me — this one is different.”

Here’s the good news

You’re not broken. You’re hopeful.

We don’t repeat letters out of foolishness. We do it because we’re trying to write a better ending than last time.

And I promise — you can.

But only if we stop rewriting the same script, and stop hiring the same letter for the same role.

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