The WELL Method: How to Vet a Partner Without Losing Your Sanity
Dating nowadays is similar to shopping online: many options, lots of filters... and half of what appears isn't what you ordered. (Looking at you, “6-foot athletic type” who turns out to be 5’7” with a gym membership he used once.)
That’s why I created the WELL Method—my go-to checklist for figuring out if someone is worth your time before you end up emotionally bankrupt.
What Is the WELL Method?
The WELL Method stands for Worthy, Energy, Lifestyle Fit, and Legacy Alignment. Think of it as a dating compass:
Worthy – Do they recognize your value, and more importantly, do you? Do you feel seen or just watched?
Energy – How do you feel when you’re around them? Drained, anxious, lit up, safe? Energy doesn’t lie.
Lifestyle – Are your worlds even remotely compatible? You can’t merge with someone who wants kids, while you’re planning a solo “Eat, Pray, Love” reboot.
Legacy – Do you share similar visions for the future? Are you trying to build a future, find a good time, or just pass the time?
Why It Works
Because the WELL Method forces you to slow down.
Instead of swiping right based on cheekbones or charisma, you’re asking: Do they fit my life?
Instead of ignoring red flags (you know, the ones we all claim we “didn’t see”), you’re spotting them early.
Instead of hoping chemistry will magically turn into commitment, you’re checking if they can walk the talk.
A Personal Example
The Bunny Slipper Breakup
Once upon a time, I dated a man I probably should’ve side-stepped. He was five years older, 6’5” to my 5’3”, and so tall I had to stand on a chair just to kiss him. At first, it felt romantic — he pursued me like I was the crown jewel of his kingdom. He’d pick me up from home and drive me to school — a grand total of three blocks. Then he’d come back on his lunch break, whisk me off to eat, and return me safely home like some overzealous chauffeur.
At first, I thought: Wow, chivalry is not dead.
But it turns out what I mistook for kindness was actually obsession disguised as attention.
The reality check hit one evening when he stopped by, insisted I take a ride with him, and then got mad when I tried to talk about how closely he was watching my every move. His fix? Kick me out of the car.
Twenty city blocks away from home. After dark. Wearing fluffy bunny slippers.
Let me share something — nothing dissolves a romantic daydream faster than navigating cracked sidewalks and uncertain street corners while you're dressed for a comfy pajama party. That was quite a long, humbling, yet eye-opening walk.
Lesson Learned
If someone’s love feels like a security detail, it’s not romance — it’s control. Don’t just listen to the sweet words. Watch how they show up in every part of your life. Attention that smothers isn’t love. It’s a red flag with a chauffeur’s license.
Your Turn
So, here’s your challenge: take the next person you’re interested in—or even your current partner—and run them through the WELL filter. Do they measure up? Or are they just “well… maybe not”?
👉 Share your WELL wins or disasters in the comments. Or, if you’d rather spill your tea privately, join the 2-OYS mailing list. You’ll also get the free ABT Compatibility Chart—because dating with a cheat sheet is way more fun.