LOUISE’S LOVE LETTER

EDITION 42:

First Dates Should Come With an Intermission😂

🍂 TODAY’S OBSERVATION

First dates should come with an intermission.

Ten minutes. No explanations necessary.

Just enough time to touch up your lipstick, gather your thoughts, and decide whether you'd like to return to your seat.

Hey, Friend

Have you ever been on a first date and wished you could call a time-out?

Not necessarily because anything was wrong; you just need a moment.

You've spent twenty minutes discussing careers, hobbies, favorite restaurants, and whether you both enjoy traveling.

You've ordered your pumpkin-spice latte because it's October, and apparently that's what we're supposed to do.

Now you're wondering what comes next.

Personally, I think first dates should have a little bell.

Ding!

“Ladies and gentlemen, we'll resume this date in ten minutes.”

Wouldn't that be wonderful?

💜 ACT ONE: EVERYBODY'S ON THEIR BEST BEHAVIOR

You arrive looking lovely. He's looking rather nice himself.

You exchange pleasantries, order a drink, and begin the delicate process of getting to know each other.

He's asking questions. You're asking questions.

So far, so good.

Then he starts talking about his golf game.

And keeps talking.

You've learned about his clubs, his handicap, and a particularly memorable round he played in 2019.

You smile politely, but by the seventh hole, you've started planning your grocery shopping.

Or maybe the opposite happens.

You discover that you both love old movies, share a weakness for terrible puns, and think that pineapple on pizza is a crime against humanity.

Suddenly, you're having a great time.

Either way, wouldn't a short break be nice?

💜 INTERMISSION: A WOMAN NEEDS A MOMENT

Now, here's where my idea gets interesting.

You excuse yourself, head to the ladies' room, and take a minute to think about the evening.

Perhaps you're thinking, "He's actually quite charming. I hope he asks me out again."

Or maybe it's, “If I hear one more thing about that golf tournament, I'm going to need a caddie to carry me out of here.”

And sometimes you're simply undecided.

That's perfectly fine.

You don't have to reach a verdict before the coffee gets cold.

Although I do think the ladies' room should have a small lounge where women can compare notes.

Strictly confidential, of course.

💜 ACT TWO: NOW WE'RE GETTING SOMEWHERE

The conversation resumes.

Maybe the nervousness has worn off. He's stopped rehearsing his answers, and you've stopped wondering whether you have lipstick on your teeth.

You start talking like two ordinary people.

You laugh.

You disagree about something silly.

You discover he has an unexpectedly wicked sense of humor.

Or maybe the conversation has circled back to his favorite subject: himself.

Well, friend, at least you gave Act Two a chance.

And there's nothing wrong with deciding you enjoyed the coffee more than the company.

💜 A LITTLE LOUISE LOGIC

I've spent enough years negotiating contracts to know the importance of a good exit clause.

First dates should be no exception.

Something simple:

Either party may end the evening without penalty, lengthy explanations, or an emergency call from a fictitious relative.

Although I understand that last provision may be controversial.

😂 QUICK QUIZ: WHAT ARE YOU DOING AT INTERMISSION?

You're halfway through a first date. What's going through your mind?

A. I can't wait to get back. This is going surprisingly well!

B. I'm reviewing the evidence. So far, the jury is still out.

C. I'm texting my girlfriend. Some situations require a second opinion.

D. I'm checking whether the building has a side exit.

Mostly A? You're enjoying the moment. Good for you!

Mostly B? You're the thoughtful observer. Nothing wrong with gathering a little more information.

Mostly C? You're the team player. Your girlfriends are practically an advisory board.

Mostly D? You're prepared for emergencies. I admire a woman with a backup plan.

💜 THIS WEEK ON THE BLOG

Pumpkin Spice Has Gone Too Far
When did autumn become a full-time marketing campaign?

Apparently, autumn now requires coordinated decorations, seasonal beverages, and a supporting cast for the humble pumpkin.

This week, I'm taking a lighthearted look at how fall became such an elaborate production.

👉 GO TO BLOG.

💜 REALITY CHECK (WITH A SMILE)

A first date isn't a marriage proposal.

It's coffee. Maybe dinner.

You're allowed to enjoy yourself without deciding whether you'd like to share a mortgage.

And if the evening doesn't go particularly well?

At least you got out of the house.

💜THE WELL MOMENT

A little reminder from The AlphaBet Theory:

W — Worthy: You don't have to audition for anyone's approval. You're there to get acquainted, not to win a competition.

E — Emotionally Available: Relax enough to let someone see the real you. First dates are awkward enough without adding a performance.

L — Loving: A little kindness goes a long way, even if you know there won't be a second date.

L — Looking with Intention: Pay attention to how you feel in someone's company. That's useful information, too.

💥 LOUISE'S TRUTH BOMB

Some first dates deserve an encore. Others make you grateful the tickets were free.

💜 PASS IT ON

Know a girlfriend who could use an intermission on her next date?

Send her this Love Letter.

She might appreciate the idea.

Especially if she's dating a golfer.

💜 ONE LAST THOUGHT

You know, friend, I rather like the idea of intermissions on first dates.

Not because every date needs an escape route.

Sometimes you just want a few minutes to appreciate how nicely things are going.

And sometimes you need a moment to decide whether that charming smile is enough to make up for a conversation that's going absolutely nowhere.

Either way, a little breathing room never hurt anyone.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a bell to buy.

With love, laughter, and a standing ovation for a good first date,

Louise 💜

Author of Stop Dating the Wrong Letters
www.2-oys.com